DISQUS

FBO · 1 year ago

Perhaps it's a way to purge the website of commentards. Have a series of crap posts, and once they leave, come back as strong as ever for us loyalists.

I'm with you Steve. Me, and Michelle, and the youngins, we're all there for you.

- Barry

clues for sale or rent · 1 year ago

nothing will get rid of lastangelman. nothing.

ice hole · 1 year ago

They even funnier, asshole.

topazz · 1 year ago

For inspiration, you need look no further than Academy Award Nominated Actress Melanie Griffith. Click on one of the doors:

http://www.melaniegriffith.com/home.html

playitcool · 1 year ago

feel your worries melt away as you witness melanie and antonio banderas make love riding stallions on the shores of avalon..

bobdmac · 1 year ago

Real Dan, I thought you had changed my life by sending me to that site, but you've totally missed the boat. I have to agree with topazz that the Melanie Grifffith site provides all the inspiration one would need in five lifetimes.

SamG · 1 year ago

IN2 ME C? Is that a secure password or a brand? Or Intimacy?

Awesome.

Whale man · 1 year ago

Wow truly breathtaking Thanks!!!

ptwannabe · 1 year ago

I'm welling up!

Larry E · 1 year ago

It is like a bad plastic surgeon's web site. why no bikini pics?

Rich S. · 1 year ago

I was hoping to be "inspired" by naked Melanie. Lovely nonetheless...

Operative C · 1 year ago

What's the issue, dude? You want me to PayPal you ten bucks? C'mon, let's 100 of us PayPal fSteve 10 bucks and get him back to work.

K · 1 year ago

"Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching."

Fart like no one is breathing,
post blogs like no one is reading,
and pretend faithful readers aren't seething.

SamG · 1 year ago

...and satire without a quagmyre
in business-casual attire
oh no! My cubicle is on fire!

Wolfgang · 1 year ago

Maybe, the REAL Steve is sitting in for the FAKE Steve, posting as Real Dan until FAKE Steve gets back. Probably not, but I think I just blew my mind.

FBO · 1 year ago

http://www.geekculture.com/joyoftech/joyarchive...

*SOB*

- Barry

SamG · 1 year ago

First you conquered our wallets. And now, our hearts <sob>

Sulis · 1 year ago

Not a day goes by but I find something new that touches my humerus in this site: http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

cigar444 · 1 year ago

WTF is this??!! And frankly, what does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Did someone die and leave you their heart in their will? If this site is going to turn into some group-therapy, Oprah-watching, Touchy-feely, boost-your-self-esteem, sit-around-a-camp-fire-and-sing-kum-by-yah site, frankly, I'd rather stick needles under my fingernails. I don't read this blog for this crap. I read it for tech satire and occational political satire.
If you're suggesting a group hug, I'd rather just pop a couple of prozak and call it good.
Since you asked, I got your inspiration right here: http://despair.com/viewall.html

Jake · 1 year ago

Um, dude, I think this *is* satire. Maybe the fact that the linked site is saccharine, inane, and obviously stupid should have tipped you off.

You didn't happen to take the whole "Apple is suing to shut the site down" thing seriously, did you?

ColoradoCary · 1 year ago

Dan, while it may not be inspirational, I've found "The Four Agreements" to be key to dealing with life's ups & downs: http://www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html

nem3sis · 1 year ago

are those marijuana leaves on the cover of the book?

Ganja · 1 year ago

That's papaya leaves I think.

Paul Ritchie · 1 year ago

Nice sentiment...making our happiness contingent on people, places, or things is a frustrating dead-end. Living in the moment is the only way to go.

jonsterling · 1 year ago

What's with this Real Dan crap? We want the old Fake Steve back. Shame on you.

Please, bring this back to normal. We don't want Nikolai, Real Dan, Iulia or Jerry or anyone, just Fake Steve. You are killing this site.

Antoine · 1 year ago

Who's that "Dan" loser? And where is Steve? Hey! Steve! Some filthy hack is writing crap on your blog! Call Moshe!

Bruce · 1 year ago

So true. I'm killing this RSS feed - I'll come back for a look in a month or so and see if it is still full of crap.

Tomas · 1 year ago

What truly inspires me is that the now-former-CTO of Segway, Douglas Field, apparently left the company to join Apple as new VP of product design.

http://forums.segwaychat.com/showthread.php?t=1...
(Also notice the openness of their communication. They even use vBulletin. Yikes!)

I demand an immediate post by fakesteve about this!

cigar444 · 1 year ago

Segway? There's a successful mainstream product.

albert The Flip · 1 year ago

What the frig happened here? I am lost. Need a friggin GPS.
SteveO, please help your favorite driver find his way back to this blog.
Much love, namaste!

Sanjay · 1 year ago

Look, we can't be any more clear: Fake Steve is much more real than this (so-called) Real Dan. "Dan" should just accept the verdict of this reality-based community and release the kidnapped Fake Steve. Where are we, in Chiapas?

Aaron Ortiz · 1 year ago

Ok, it had to happen, when the guest fake CEOs started posting, FSJ jumped the shark. Bono is one thing, but Yang? Goodbye child-like wonder.

Maybe it's time to craft a brilliant goodbye post...don't go out with a whimper!

Erick, · 1 year ago

This was my favorite inspirational website, but you ruined it. Shame on you, Dan! Shame on you!

First we had all that Hillary vs Obama crap, then we had Jerry, Nikolai and now we have you. Where is Fake Steve? Is he ever coming back? I need to know the truth so I can decide if I will keep this once-a-great-blog on my Google Reader or not.

CK · 1 year ago

What the frig?
The people are here to read Fake Steve. Not some motiv-tard web site.
I have a feeling there's an attorney involved here. A lot of attorneys.

Paging Dr Scoble - FSJ in ICU · 1 year ago

Is this the place we honor where your biting American wit meets cloying American sentimentality? Or has your sick sense of humor gasped its last laugh and gone to Hallmark Heaven? Get real Dan (or at least get better).

Aero · 1 year ago

Thanks Real Dan. The site didn't help much but your comments caused my spirit to bubble with happy laughter. May your light shine brightly in the halls of Shambala.

Fake Female Person · 1 year ago

Your website thingy never made much sense to me, but suddenly I find I'm really appreciating it! I'll be sure to tell all the girls in knitting class to check out this classy site now.

UselessAssBlog · 1 year ago

Goddamit monkey, get back in your persona! Get back in your persona RIGHT NOW!! This is how it works: you write the biting, hilarious satire and deliver it via your various fake peep vehicles, and I read it. That is the way it has worked since the beginning, so... WTF is the problem?!

I'm not going to sit here and just tolerate whatever the hell has been going on since June 30. I was thoroughly enjoying FJY and Fake Google Guy, so return to your computer and begin typing IMMEDIATELY!

I will give you until tomorrow morning to sort this thing out or stop feeling sorry for yourself or whatever. But I swear to God, if there is not a properly satirical, persona-laden post in my RSS reader by tomorrow at 9AM EST, I will poo on your book. Not a big one, but a poo nonetheless. Yes it's juvenile, but it's real and it will happen. So if you care at all about preventing a steaming turd from from landing on it's ultra-glossy cover, you will right what you have wronged. Post haste.

Sincerely,

WHY THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US?!?!? AHHHHH!!!!

vote4sale · 1 year ago

I have to ask, what's an ass blog and why is it useless?

UselessAssBlog · 1 year ago

Technically it's "Useless. Ass Blog." 2 seperate but equally important thoughts.

It's an amazing blog filled with stellar guidance on topics that matter to important and well-heeled people like yourself.

REALfakeDVORAK · 1 year ago

This site made me want to puke.

KM · 1 year ago

Here, let me fix that for you:

Work like nobody's watching
Love like you don't need the money
Dance like you've never been hurt

Partners in Grime · 1 year ago

Okay, that made me laugh.

Poo Ate · 1 year ago

Oops, you flipped some word. Here's the right ones:

Work like you've never been hurt
Love like nobody's watching
Dance like you don't need the money

Ballmer don't need those money, right?

truth · 1 year ago

Yes, duh, clearly satire. But the difference between this satire and the old FSJ satire was the deftness of it, the occasional brilliant observation, and the edginess of it.

This satire is like an old aunt at a family reunion telling "funny jokes". Ugh... I don't know how much longer I can be patient waiting for DL to return.

Even when these latest writers were trying to be "edgy" like DL, they were just swearing more and being meaner - it's not about the number of cuts, baby, it's about the cut being so good you don't even care if you're losing a little blood...

Can't the writers read all these negative comments?? WTF are they still doing writing? Fire them all, Forbes! Close it down before you return to looking like out-of-touch fuddies...

Keith Handy · 1 year ago

You're looking for humor in the post, but the humor isn't in the post. The humor comes from the build-up of cognitive dissonance as you try, in all sincerity, to browse through as many pages as possible on that "paradise awaits" site without puking into your lap.

But this requires a little effort -- a little participation. Come on. I bet you can't make it through ten pages.

I thought not. Wimps.

Jay · 1 year ago

So, Real Dan? Did you lose the rights to Fake Steve when you jumped to Newsweek? Is that what this is about?

Relayman · 1 year ago

This could be; he was working for Forbes when he started the blog. If that's the case, I would like to see Dan start The Secret Diary of Rupert Murdock. That might even be funnier, well, until Rupert kicks the bucket.

Fernando · 1 year ago

Are you ok, Dan?

Thanks for the site, I appreciate it, and even though I don't know you, I sincerely hope you're doing well.

Much love.

anthony · 1 year ago

who the hell is real dan?

mike · 1 year ago

You commenters are like addicts on withdrawal.

Your indignation is a bit over-the-top, given how much you paid to view this site.

Look, I want FSJ in top form back too, but sometimes you can't look a gift horse in the mouth.

bkharmony · 1 year ago

This is why I like The Real Dan.

Jill · 1 year ago

Man oh man. What the hell is going on with FSJ?!? Are you purposely trying to tank your own blog?

Wendy · 1 year ago

I feel the love.

Beavisandro · 1 year ago

Perhaps this is a reminder ... of what most blogs really are?

Don't believe me? Try clicking the "Next Blog>>" link at the top of the page.

And yes, it does sound like lawyers could be involved. The U.S. edition of Newsweek has something like 3 million weekly readers, as in spot No. 15 in magazine circulation. Forbes? Doesn't even place in the top 100. Fuck Moshe. Somebody's probably put a bee in Katie Cotton's bonnet, you have to imagine.

Dan, hope things are straight, buddy. Attack of the blogs indeed.

Jono · 1 year ago

Newsweek must be slave drivers. Dan must not have any time anymore to put on the turtle-neck and jeans.

Fake Iulia · 1 year ago

Is Fake Steve (dare I say it?) .. dead? Did Real Dan kill him? Oh, woe are we.

Who cares what Real Dan has to say? Or Jerry, or Nikolai.

Although I would like to see more of Iulia!

Sean · 1 year ago

"Hmmm vomit has a leaves a sour aftertaste"

JSG · 1 year ago

Dan-

If you are done with the site, can you at least make an entertaining "last post"? Please stop boring us to death.

Tommy · 1 year ago

I think the shark has been jumped for this blog.

Mr. Watson · 1 year ago

I read someplace that when radio stations change formats they purposefully broadcast something horrible, like a computer voice counting down from 1,000,000 or something. That way they drive away all the fans so they don't get so many complaints when the new format starts up. A station in San Jose did that when they went country. Maybe, El Dano is up to something similar.

But its usually a good idea to wait to the end of the closing credits, just in case their is a gift for the patient.

Jake · 1 year ago

FSJ, exactly when did you become a hopeless pussy?

Steve-lings · 1 year ago

Have you run out ideas, Punk? Have You?

yoyo's ma · 1 year ago

F#*k this blog.

It's jumped the shark, gone downhill, peed in a flowerpot, killed the puppy and the kitty.

It's the beeswax of the fire ants butt.

sparkplug · 1 year ago

Big Steve, I think you need to go see a nearby Gallagher performance somewhere to get your groove back.

Erick, · 1 year ago

Great, he's lost the rights over Fake Steve. Thats it. Thats the end. I have no more business on this blog. This is so sad.

Thanks, Dan, for all the great times. But now it is over.

yet another steve · 1 year ago

My favorite inspiration site was called "The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs".

Then Steve left us without explanation.

::sadness::

chris · 1 year ago

wow, did FSJ jump the shark or what.

No longer posting under "FSJ" but "Real Dan".

Face it, nobody wants to read anything "Real Dan" has to say.

waybacmac · 1 year ago

FSJ is dead. Sad really. It'll be a long, boring time between keynotes. Bookmark deleted, History cleared.

Flash_Sheridan · 1 year ago

OK, I'm game, except that I'm half-heartedly boycotting PayPal. Will small, unmarked bills do?

Flash_Sheridan · 1 year ago

OK, I'm game, except that I'm half-heartedly boycotting PayPal. Will small, unmarked bills do?

mocarp · 1 year ago

Well done RD. Make them beg for it.

Relayman · 1 year ago

Let's give Real Dan a break. We know he's moved to Newsweek, but there is no acknowledgment on their site that he exists.

I'm hoping he just needs time to sort everything out an that this blog becomes a Newsweek.com site, maybe with a warning about the language.

SamG · 1 year ago

Hey FSJ, enough of this inspirational baloney. I have been doing some non-thinking before your big day on Friday and wanted to share some non-thoughts, if you know what I mean.

One non-thought is about that iPhone release which is pretty much in the bag; the thing boots up, surfs, it's got plenty of memory and it moves! Anyway, another non-thought was about that cartwheel you will have to do on the stage to convince Wall Street of other things. You could do a pirhuette (you know, the ice skating thing) or you could do some pushups as a part of iPhone Boot Camp or something.

Anyway, much love (your words). I will wait for the 32gig iPhone at half-price later this year. As long as I have that iPhone emulator running on my Air, I am fine.

UselessAssBlog · 1 year ago

Wait, evidently I'm a retard and I failed to notice that all of the old posts now say "posted by Real Dan" instead of "posted by Steve". WTF?

Did you get a cease and desist from Apple for realsies? Did the hacks at Forbes make you fork over the Fake Steve name? EXPLAIN!

Real Steve Forbes · 1 year ago

I honor the place where the FSJ blog and my bookmark deletion have become one.

Flat tax, not filthy hacks!

Relayman · 1 year ago

Good riddance to all the impatientards.

Alex · 1 year ago

Fake Steve Jobs'

defunct

who used to

write a watersmooth-silver

prose

and break onetwothreefourfive techexecsjustlikethat

Jesus



he was a handsome man

and what i want to know is

how do you like your blueeyed boy

Mister Newsweek

e.e. Not!!! · 1 year ago

What is this I see?? Fake e.e. poet tree??

RedMule · 1 year ago

Sparkle script type: typography's anti-depressant.

Pete · 1 year ago

As Fakesteve has clearly lost it, I suggest we all move on to Money is the way.

sparkplug · 1 year ago

Wait a minute here, I think FSJ got bought out by the now "philanthropic" BILL GATES who is now masquerading as "Real Dan" and posted the link to the pink-pasty type of stuff that would be considered "inspirational" to those slaving away at the Redmond Ranch.

TheAfterlifeOfGeorgeCarlin · 1 year ago

Hey, i'm back again.
You want inspiration? Here's inspiration. If I had a real dick and a real strong hand, I'd be real inspired right about now.
Anyway, everyone enjoy, there's something here for everyone, even the guys who like pinching themselves in the nutcase while giving their cat's asshole a prolonged tongue bath. I'm magnanimous that way, you know.
Good word to know.

itwasaclassic · 1 year ago

Bye Fake Steve. Thanks for all laughs and hilarious blog posts.
Best of luck at Newsweek or whatever you will be doing.
Thanks again, J

Broach · 1 year ago

Barf!

podunk · 1 year ago

Dan,

The least you could have done is a google image search for a unicorn with a rainbow so we could crank it.

Fake The Edge · 1 year ago

Why no Fake Bono

The Fighter's Fate · 1 year ago

While FSJ is on vacation, you can always get into your Wayback Machine and....

http://aofg.blogs.com/the_airing_of_grievances/...

hoser · 1 year ago

How strange is it that posts by "Real Dan" feel so less satisfying that those by "Fake Steve"?

Is this because of some legal thing Apple's slapped Real Dan with? If so, I'm definitely not buying an iPhone on Friday.

Fake Goatberg · 1 year ago

Hey, Goatberg posted a review of the new iPhone G3. Surely Fake Steve will say something about it.... I hope. <sniff>

Amelia · 1 year ago

I miss your normal posts my dear fake steve, however I wait patiently for the sarcastic return!

lastangelman · 1 year ago

I'm going on vacation. Have fun reading JSG's puerile rants while me and My Fair Lady holiday in Asuncion Island then onto the deserted Sarigan, Survivor-style (Hurricane Bertha put a crimp on our Caribbean plans, maybe next time). Later, people.

last chance · 1 year ago

Be back soon, buddy. Take care.

BSE · 1 year ago

他妈的。再见！

Someguy · 1 year ago

Wow, I gave up on this blog about two months ago when Dan started making fun of fat girls and crap.

I thought I'd check back to see what kind of horrible crap he is spewing out lately. I wasn't prepared for it to be THIS useless.

Looks like I made the right decision two months ago.

RIP Fake Steve

Brandon Tran · 1 year ago

I found it somewhat interesting. But the ballerina's kinda didn't do it so much for me. Decent story though.

Your Brother · 1 year ago

Finally, we have reached a crossroad. Right, Dan?

Gonna miss you much, brother. Good luck...

simple mind · 1 year ago

It is all about money, right?

osisbs · 1 year ago

Bring back the REAL FSJ! You suck.

ildvr · 1 year ago

thx Steve! you are open minded for all. I've got one inspirational resource mostinspired.com - simply great. when I feel tired I go to touch a new styles and fresh air comes in..

eric · 1 year ago

i think that site is rather cheesy and schmaltzy but each to their own

faddah · 1 year ago

actually, i prefer these for inspiration.

helloooooo beeeeyotches. i'm baaaaa-aaaaaack!

steveballmer · 1 year ago

I thought you wewe like that!

Gianni · 1 year ago

Nice!
http://www.helpmetogeta5d.tk/

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prabhu · 1 year ago

this blog design is supper.how to construct super blog give tips.my blog url is improvecovaibusiness.blogspot.com

john · 11 months ago

moncsicsi0@freemail.hu

وظائف شاغرة و وظائف خالية · 9 months ago

The page you've posted is so funny! But, I think I need something more funny to make me laugh :D ... It was a bad day!

krock · 9 months ago

Now I feel cute. I'm adorable, and cute. I'm like a dancing kitty.

Freelancer München · 7 months ago

love you too

el7osiny · 5 months ago

thanks

Jerry Yang · 1 year ago

So Bill Gates retires, and you run out of material the same week!
Damn our luck!

UselessAssBlog · 1 year ago

Well, I didn't want to, but I did it. Steaming turd right on the cover. Happy?!

Ooooo, look at you, you're soooo cool with your not posting and your whatever else you're doing.

Look, this isn't a game. You can't quit and you WON'T quit. You get me? I am not f*cking around anymore, I've had it with this b*llshit.

You think Hemingway ever got all whiney and was like "You know, I'm kind bored and it's summertime and I'm starting a new job, so you know the whole writing thing? Not doing it."

Guess what? He didn't. He wrote his balls off every single day, and when he wasn't writing, he was drinking and punching people.

So unless you are out right now drinking and punching people, there are absolutely no excuses for whatever the hell is going on. You need motivation? How about this:

Sit your ass down at your f*cking computer and start writing the best sh*t on the web again. RIGHT F*CKING NOW!

Please.

Bill Gates · 1 year ago

If there's somebody Fake Steve should punch, it would be you.

UselessAssBlog · 1 year ago

Nice zinger you douchey dorkbag. I wouldn't have posted if I would have known that your devastating wit was lurking in the shadows.

(In an extreme nerd voice) "If there's somebody Fake Steve should punch (queue snivvling sounds, nose picking)... it would be YOU!"

I will brace myself for more of your verbal devastation so I won't be totally blindsided this time.

FightTheSuits · 1 year ago

UselessAss, thanks for providing the only light in this dark, dark time.

ildvr · 1 year ago

man, paint walls of your flat if u got it, but pls don't use this blog

intenselygreen · 1 year ago

There should at least be an RIP in the poetry corner for fake Steve... Real Dan, is that what you want? Let us know. Please.

Bad Mutha Faka · 1 year ago

This blog is cool.... Keep going!!!

David K. · 1 year ago

R.I.P Fake Steve Jobs

nxtr · 1 year ago

you had a good run. Between Steve F and Steve j, I would imagine that things get hot in legal. You rode that whore, er, horse into big show. Under the bright lights, you played 'em all. What a bright light you have been.

Thanks for the memories.

Uncle Tomtom · 1 year ago

R.I.P FSJ
Helloooooo Iulia!