The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs - Latest Comments in Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:28:31 -0000

genius

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

fakemikel — Sat, 17 May 2008 03:54:17 -0000

Hi American dudes, if you never heard about me, I don't blame you. Rest assured you would get youeself a full blown slap right across your face if you don't know what BlackBerry is. Wait a minute, idiot, I am not talking about the little black fruits you buy from farmer's market. It is a mobile phone with intelligence. No wonder people call it smartphone. The best ever it allows you to send emails on the phone. Still doesn't ring a bell? You must have gone unemployed for at least 10 years now. Everyone who has a meaningful job these days has a BlackBerry or yearns for one. Just go to any retail store of Sprint, AT&T and Verizon and you will see a lineup of BlackBerrys. They make iPhone look like a giant retard. Can you keep a secret? Steve called me the other day and he's like, "dude, you are the only one that keeps me awake like 2 in the morning. Back off, this is America, you little canadians have occupied our emails for way too long. Even our idiot government agencies like FBI and CIA are sending emails through your operation center north of the border. I am like we don't have to tell Canadians how we screwed Saddam. " I told Steve to watch his tone then went "Steve, do you know Alexander Bell was from Canada? Your most proud invention, so-called iPhone, is just adding a little i in front of his invention, the five letter word that spells P-h-o-n-e. If you still don't believe me, look around your iPhone team. More than 60 percent of them are Canadians. Get it?" Steve was caught off guard by how well I know about iPhone. He is like "Mike, I know you are calling on your BlackBerry. The voice is like shit because BlackBerry is only good at emails. You know most BlackBerry users also carry iPhone because in the end of the day music rules." I went like "Steve, it is 2 in the morning. I know you are up for another night. Good luck with your 3G iPhone. So you know we've had 3G BlackBerry for at least 2 years now." Then I heard a big bang. Guess Steve threw his iPhone at the wall. One thing I didn't tell Steve. I've always liked iPhone because it feels like musterbation when you move your finger around the screen.

Now you know who I am. I am the man behind BlackBerry. My name is Mike Lazaridis. Wonder about the last name? It is greek.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

fakemikel — Sat, 17 May 2008 03:52:49 -0000

Check out following blog site about Steve and BlackBerry.

http://fakemikel.blogspot.com/

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Trish — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:22:42 -0000

never mess with a chinese woman (i assume she's)

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

David Casseres 65 — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:57:12 -0000

She whacked Bertrand? God damn, I wish I could have seen that.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

fake_peter_oppenheimer — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 03:53:47 -0000

Aww shoot!
I knew it was a bad idea to have her lead the deal with China Mobile. I won't say I told you so, BUT...
How could she do this to us? This was THE reason why we got her in here in the first place, right?
You'll never believe what happened at the now probably ONLY meeting we'll ever have with those guys: Yup, she face-slapped the China Mobile CEO right off the bat. I dunno what the deal was, do I look like I speak friggin Mandarin?
We'll never get another shot at this again. And now we're locked out of the sale of about two billion iPhones. How is our stock ever going to rebound now? Aren't there any other Chinese-American, Mandarin speaking, female, Fortune-500 execs out there we can trade her in for and get on the board here and reel that chip-on-the-shoulder wireless operator in? /petey

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

FHC — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:03:43 -0000

So, Osama, after all this BS you have going about your faith and law, you're just another pervert.

Well, that was easy. America, see Osama the pervert, the religious zealot, the terrorist, and the hypocrit. All rolled into one. Vote for him and you can kiss your future goodbye.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Penny Herscher — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:37:05 -0000

Totally agree - and it hurts the Valley's ability to attract female talent

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Penny Herscher — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:35:45 -0000

And people wonder why marcomm can be like a pink ghetto - women get trapped and steroetyped and can't get out. Your comments speak directly to the unpoken prejudice. I'm a female tech CEO (yes one of the few) who refused to get pigeon holed but I've seen and heard the essence of your comments on PR my whole career.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Lieutenant Philip Mountbatten — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 15:40:08 -0000

"Balls," said the Queen.

"If I had two, I'd be King!"

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

faddah — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 12:05:18 -0000

get a friggin' room, you two!!

sheesh.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Andrew — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:07:42 -0000

Dude, Steve. Curbstomp that bitch.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Dick — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:06:19 -0000

Fakeso Dude,

This post is a lame attempt at hiding your own misogyny.
So, a strong woman scratches her balls eh?

Now I can understand the source of all your anti-Hillary rant.
All you want is your daddy Obama to beat the woman who reminds you of your own mommy.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

faddah — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 09:50:30 -0000

Oi! Cane! you're one to talk. get back to work!!

p.s. — i'm back now. took some time off. look busy!!

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

faddah — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 09:33:37 -0000

oh my. yup, look like you have a gen-yoo-wine over-ambitious dragon lady on your hands, el jobso. ya know, one of those who in high school wore a lot of non-fashionable clothes and sensible shoes and really big, ugly, black rimmed glasses, and probably a whole retainer head gear too, but was the teacher's favorite and got straight 4.0 on everything, never pulling her nose outta the books. 25 years and a few make overs later and ... eh, still nothing i'd touch with someone else's 10-foot-pole, but man, does she have an axe to grind now. sound familiar, by the way? i mean, isn't this always how it happens? you spend all that time encouraging people to trounce the clintstones, and meanwhile you have your own nasty piece of work right here on the home front.

hey, you think hillary planted her on you, just to get back at you and make life miserable? i mean, al says he's scared of the clintstones and her, but it'd be just like that tennessee hillbilly-tard to do them one last favor to keep his name in the political light. have moshe check her office and cell phone records — i wouldn't be surprised if she's got a direct line to the hillary campaign headquarters.

what to do in the meantime? well, it's simple, really. rally all the management team and board still on your side. every time dragon lady walks the halls of one infinite loop, you wait until she passes, then you say in one of those really loud, bad hollywood asian movie accents: "hey bay-bee! you got vietnamese girlfriend yet? me so hor-ny! me love you long time! you got cee-gar-ette? you got nylons? you got de LIP-STICK? oooooo, me love de LIP-STICK! me so hor-ny! me love you long time!"

yeah, a few rounds of that should take care of her.

here's andrea, in some of her best work.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

pierre littbarski — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 02:51:39 -0000

Just wanted to say how deeply I love this site & how much enjoy fsj's hilarious entries. Being a faithful from germany since '99, it's so damn good to see we are ruling the world (and i can tell my techtard friends how rigth i ve been). But the mighty fsj just makes it even better - day by day - and this post is one of these
that blow me away from my office desk - with a mad giggle at least for 30 min. And as for the US-typical demands such as from Fake Roy for more pc: Get a Life!

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

the Big Kev — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 00:15:22 -0000

She's a man, BABY!

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

William_Shatner — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 21:19:54 -0000

Steve,
I know we are just getting to know each other. But, I could spot you a phone number for anyone on the set of Boston Legal if you could get me this ravishing woman's phone number.

You said something about responsibility to stockholders -- and I'm with you about "eyes glazing over." However, I could use a little of this trouble in my life. I've been naughty and this is the lady to set me straight.

Straight up.
Woof!

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

FBO — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:54:00 -0000

The religious zealots you speak of are being encouraged to vote for McCain, but will more than likely vote for Huckabee. I am getting those that no longer have faith in their own party.

I'll see you Thursday. I hear CNN is partnering with the UFC on this one. Should be a good one. People of America, you're going to want to watch. She'll be down on her knees in front of me in no time.

- Barry

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Stephanos Anton Ballmerfeld — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 21:26:27 -0000

A woman who slaps, wants to be slapped, to be HANDLED, overwhelmed and dominated! They will yell "No! Stop! Help me! POLICE! No no noooooo!"

But they don't mean it!

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

asd — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 21:02:08 -0000

Except FSJ is funny, and Fake Roy isn't,

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

FHC — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 18:42:05 -0000

So, you admit it, Osama, you're in league with the evil right wing conservatives to bring down the Clinton campaign, I knew it. Fellow Americans, here is the absolute proof that the religious zealots are banding together using their false message of hope and change to try to take power from the common people.

I urge you to stop them by picking me as the nominee for the Democrat Party. Otherwise, the 8 years of the Chimp will seem like a picnic compared to the dark age that Osama is promising.

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

etiennes — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 08:38:15 -0000

instant FSJ classic!! arigatou gozaimashita

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

FBO — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 01:17:49 -0000

If our party has any hope at all, it's in the Obamacans. I don't see a Republicans for Hillary group organizing.
And the country is a bit too conservative these days, so you can't just say the Republicans have no chance in winning. Our party needs everybody it can get, even if they are voting for me. I rock!

Re: Andrea Jung is making my life a living hell

Nick in MB — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 00:55:08 -0000

Who cares. Just crash and dash it anyway. I'll either be in secret, or you will have an audience cheering you on.